Adventure Time With Live Elements: Brother Ali Episode

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So, when I heard Brother Ali was going to be in Vegas I was like, “Sure why the fuck not?”  Because it’s been some years since I’ve seen Ali live. Also being Ali’s first headlining show in Vegas I definitely didn’t want to miss it.

So lets start at the beginning of this little adventure.  I purchased two tickets because unlike the Shadow/Chemist show, I really didn’t want to go to go alone.  It was in downtown Vegas and didn’t want to go by myself and run the risk of being molested by someone dressed as Bumblebee … Wait…that could be pretty hot(*Adds Transformer costume for DOOM guy on list).  So I bought my best friend a ticket for her birthday to tag along.  Ticketfly tickets said the show started at 8pm.

My friend didn’t get off of work until around 9pm so I decided to head out by myself.  I saw on Facebook that over 200 people were going to attend so I figured that I’d leave early.  I arrived downtown around 6:45 PM.  Thinking that the doors opened at 7 PM, since this is what the fucking ticket said.  So I put my blind faith in Google Maps.  I arrive to where I was told that was The Beauty Bar.  I see a long ass line of people with tickets in their hand.  A bunch of white people (no offense my melanin deficient peoples) so I seriously thought I was in the right place.  So I assume that’s where I was supposed to be right ?  No! Fuck you Google Maps.  I waited in line, got felt up by this scary lady with cornrows & strong hands, and my ticket scanned only for the little asshole to be like, “Ummmm girl, you’re in the wrong place.  Beauty Bar is down the street and to the left.”  Fuck you Google, fuck you.

So by this time it’s 7:45 and I’m running to the fucking Beauty Bar.  As I’m running past the Beauty Bar because it might as well have been a hobbit hole or the entrance to Narnia it’s so fucking small, I get a call from my friend saying that she couldn’t make it.  I hung up because at this point I didn’t know where the fucking Beauty Bar was at.  So finally I see it.  But… no one is standing there and the fucking placed is locked.  So I think that maybe its cancelled or I just am going to miss this fucking thing.

As I’m standing there ready  to fuck someone up I had this cholo (for those unaware of what a cholo is, please refer to the gif below) come up to me.  This nigga was fuckkkkked up.  He proceeded to ask me what was someone like me doing there.  Then he tells me, “Ayyyy can you call dis number for me?  I lost my phone and I want to see where it is.  Can I call it?”  Not dumb enough to hand this asshole my phone to run off with it,  I blocked my number and dialed.  As the phone rang he was eye rapping me while all I could think was, “Why this nigga smell like 3 Flowers but he has no hair?  And why does this nigga have a coke nail?  People still have coke nails?”.  Then… his phone rings in his pocket.  He silenced it and said, “Thanks babydoll, I’ll be hitting you up later.” and stumbles off with his crew of even smaller cholos.  Yeah, okay there holmes.  cholo

 

If anyone knows how downtown Vegas is like on a First Friday you already know.  I had a drunk Santa tell me I had a pretty mouth, some guy tell me I was gonna be his Cinnamon Apple, some guy in leather pants call me his Spanish rose, some drunk gay guy argue with me over my hair being real or not, and had a crazy lady scream at me telling me I lost her daughter. I was one crazy away from just losing my shit.

People began to arrive.  We all were fucking lost. So I was like, great, this fucking helps.  A bunch of assholes who have no idea where they’re supposed to be, maybe we can all be Facebook friends now and maybe go across the street to that bar?  When like some form of telepathic witchcraft,  this huge Hawaiian bouncer comes of the hole in the wall and proceeds to tell us that the doors don’t open until 9pm and that the show will start at 10pm.  Again, all my random ass was wondering was how he bounces with flip flops on though?  That nigga must have Ninja Turtle feet. So yeah, fucking great. I wanted to leave already but then again, I didn’t pay $10 for parking for nothing, so I thugged it out.  So the barrage of crazy people came here and there. Since I was now the first person in line, I became the “Hey… do you know what time they start?  Do you know what time they open?  Do you know if this is sold out? You holding that place for your man sweetheart?” girl.  I contemplated putting out a tip cup.

Finally, we were let in where we received a wrist band that was from Sapphires Pool & Club which is a titty pool pretty much, not the Beauty Bar.  I was like, “Fuckkkk.. the least they can do is show us titties after all of this.”  But no, no titties.  We were lead to the back where a stage was set outside.  I positioned myself in the middle towards the back.  A couple that  were in line with me and seemed pretty normal came next to me.  We were talking shit and talking the upcoming AOTP show.  When the wife asked if I wanted a drink.  I kindly passed and she left.  This is when the husband hits me with, “Hey, do what do you think of my wife?”.  Kinda thrown off  I just said, “She’s cool.”  He began to tell me how they were in Vegas and wanted to have “some fun” and that his wife thought I was really pretty.  This is when I felt his wife come behind me and started playing with my hair.  Swingers son.  No woman alone at a show is safe from the men or the swingers.  This is when I said it was nice meeting them and hope to see them at the AOTP show and walked to the front of the stage.

The time is already 10:30 and the opening acts were about to start.  DOOM guy is texting me all the amazing details he’s experiencing at the Shadow/Chemist show while I vent about the bullshit I’ve had to endure.  He felt bad but I didn’t want to ruin his enjoyment so I decided to just vent to him later.  So then the so called DJ, DJ Last Word.  That will be the LAST fucking time I ever want to say that shit.  Because being as close as I was it gave me an opportunity to see what this nigga was working with.  No wax. But I see a Mac book.  Okay, I already knew where that was going, but whatever.   I expect to hear bullshit mainstream, and I was given that with some Dialted here and there.  Just too reminiscent of the Wu show that made me bi-polar.  But what I witnessed was just sad.  I kinda felt bad for him.  It was like watching a Corky from Life Goes On trying to DJ. (Don’t know what my old ass is talking about? Google it.  But fuck Google, deadass.).

So I know Mally & Bambu were the opening acts.  I’m not crazy about Bambu.  But hearing some of Mally’s recorded features, I felt like I might like him a little more.  Yeahhhhh, no.  I don’t know man but that shit seemed very pop friendly.  I saw everyone really enjoying themselves and I was like the emo kid in the front hating life.  But I thugged it out once again.  I really don’t have much to say about Mally because its really not that memorable.  He did have some clean uptowns on though and I remember that.  Oh and the fact he had a wood piece chain on… I never got those things.  It always reminded me of some shit I’d see in a Jim Henson movie that would open the maze or some shit… Yeah sorry, back to the story…

Then here comes Bambu.   I was hoping that he wouldn’t get preachy. So already being there I decided to be open minded and listen.  First thing I fixated on is this niggas funny socks.  Why the funny socks my dude?  Like, I couldn’t concentrate at all but on them socks son.  They looked like those 3D optical illusion pictures  they used to sell at the mall where you would have to stare at for a while and then you should see a fucking bird or a sail boat in it and shit.  I was ready to see Slugs face pop out in them.  But no, sadly they were just funny socks.  Some of the beats were okay.  But all I could help to think was that someone needed to tell him that Immortal Technique is still alive and we didn’t need the new school version of him.  But hey, everyone around me seemed to like it so I kept to myself.  But all the white kids around me were screaming “Brrrrraaaaatttt!  Brrrrrrraattt!”  like a machine gun over and over.  I was like, “Ummm did I miss something?  Is this something we do now?” But when Bambu asked the crowd to do it I got it…

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Then… this happened.  One of his lyrics spit was something along the lines of, “If you hate your principle or your parents….”.

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Wait.  Hold the fuck up.  Did this nigga really just say principle?  This nigga does realize that this is a 21 and over show right?  No one here should have a fucking principle.  I was over all this shit already.

So finally that shit was done.  And before Ali came out, it was Mally singing along with Jay Z and Missy Elliot with DJ Macbook.  I was texting DOOM guy telling him I was about to leave because I couldn’t take it anymore.  He replied, “Weak Sauce”.  Weak Sauce … but the Costco size joint.  I had seen enough.  That when Ali came out.

Ali, was Ali.  I love his vibe… he’s like white Jesus, or like Santa (not the drunk homless one outside) but something about him just makes you smil.  He did make it a little better, but I think my wounds were too deep.  It was like trying to put a band-aid on a gunshot wound.   He got me hype for a moment.  I always enjoyed Ali and the aura and energy he brings.  But son, I was so close that every time Ali would walk back to the DJ I could see his mean ass butt sweat son.  He had some light grey slacks on and all I could see was butt sweat.

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Of course my potential ADHD  having ass could now only wonder why his pits weren’t sweaty but his ass as maddddd sweaty son.  It was like a welcome distraction from the bullshit around me and what I had to endure that night. But I get it … people aren’t used to this heat… Man butt is pretty hairy son.  You’re still dope as fuck in my book Ali.

Then it finally ended… I turned around to see my fucking friend standing right there!  The whole fucking time she was there and couldn’t get to me.  I endured all that bullshit.  At least I could have been talking to her during Bambu’s performance!  Fuck.

So to sum it up… I really think I should’ve seen this show before the Shadow & Chemist one.  They really ruined it for this show for them.  It was like trying to trump a king… it wasn’t going to happen.  Edan and Paten Locke killlleed that opening set.  Where Edan & Paten Locke were like Tom Ford cologne, Mally & Bambu were Axe Body Spray.  I just couldn’t accept it.

So here is where about half of the Rhymsayers stans are really going to hate me.  Look, I’m not knocking the talent of Mally & Bambu.  They have talent because they’re up there doing it.  They have a talent I don’t possess obviously, so I’m not knocking that.  I’m just saying the shit being shown to me is weak.  It just looks to me that they are making music to cater to someone else… another market to sell to.  I get it.  I’m an accountant son.  I know all of back end stuff that labels, especially indie labels, need to achieve in order to continue running successfully.   If that’s your thing, cool, but I’m going to tell it like it is.  I just don’t get how Rhymsayers has a roster of DOOM, Ali, Psalm One, Blueprint, POS, Dilated, Jake One, and Eyedea’s catalog and this is the shit you give us?Come on son.  Mello Music Group, Stones Throw,  & HipNott Records are killin’ you guys right now!  Bring me a DOOM show already and stop fucking with me.  Have Bambu and Mally tour with Murs since that’s the direction they’re headed.  Have those niggas open for Atmosphere since all the stans were rooting them on.

But hey, this is only my opinion and how I felt about this show cause I keeps it 100 with y’all.  You don’t have to like or agree with what I said. Girls settle down, don’t go rip your Slug or Bambu posters off the wall quiet yet ladies… or some gents.

So I’ll end this by saying the opening acts were like dry sex and Ali was the lube… he made the whole experience that much more comfortable.  But I guess at the end of the day it’s indie Hip Hop.  So support what you love and you dig.  Different strokes for different folks.

Speaking different strokes for different folks… I’ve been reading peoples comments in regards to NehruvianDOOM.  Jesus Christ looks like I’m going to have to hurt peoples feelings and send their asses to the Hip Hop kids table on the next “My Two Cents”.   Let me school y’all really quick… Stay Tuned….

Peace – Live Elements

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